I'll Cause Thee to Stand

One of the greatest and most painful occasions in a little one’s life is the abundant joy of experiencing growing pains which includes: sleepless nights, a mother trying to ease the pain with heat or leg rubs, late night baths, and lots of tears… For all I knew, growing pains were my enemy and I assumed that surely some growth should’ve come from them of course! Boy was I wrong… I have a wonderful mother to thank for that, but I am not bitter about it at all! Nope, not one bit! :)

Despite my dramatic outlook on the height and not growing very tall, I have learned that there is more growth than physical growth that I did not expect. During this life, we experience lots of growing pains, and often times it is growth that we don’t anticipate. This growth I’m talking about may not come in the legs, arms, or the torso, but I’m talking about the growth in a person’s mentality, their attitudes, habits, compassion, eyes to see, ears to hear, and the capacity of a heart to feel, reach out, and love. This is the growing that may feel like all hope is lost during the process, the energy has been purged from one’s soul, or a forceful punch taken to the gut.

Although we can experience this pain and what feels like torment, there really is so much good that can come from the pain. It takes time, healing, and is a process. Deiter F. Uchtdorf promises, “Please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him. Have hope and faith in that promise. Learn to love your Heavenly Father and become His disciple in word and in deed. Be assured that if you but hold on, believe in Him, and remain faithful in keeping the commandments, one day you will experience for yourselves the promises revealed to the Apostle Paul: ‘Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him.’ “

July 4th 2015

All night I had been in and out of sleep with the pain circulating through my knee. It wasn’t necessarily the pain that frustrated me, but I could discern that something was wrong and didn’t want to think about it. The next morning, I tried to stand up, managed to scoot down the stairs to the main room, and being stubborn, I promised myself I was going to keep on doing my morning exercises. Starting with my weight lifting, my companion came down the stairs and told me I was crazy and that I should be resting and taking care of my knee. When she said, “people get sent home for these kinds of things you know!” It struck the thoughts I was trying to suppress and my eyes swelled up in tears.

Frustrated, full of pride, and by my own choice offended for being told off, I finally decided I should sit down and ice it. My companion at the time was a girl from Taiwan, determined to take care of me, and probably more stubborn than I was. I remember that she went upstairs to the bedroom, grabbed some soothing ointment, and told me to lay down. She got some ointment out of the bottle and began to rub and massage my entire left leg! Oh man, did it hurt and soothe it at the same time!

A brief time later my zone leaders (missionary leaders over our area) messaged us to see how I was doing and asked if I wanted a blessing. They came to our flat (apartment) with ice, a sock wrap, and asked me who I wanted to give me the blessing. I asked Elder Passey to give it to me. Elder Passey and Elder Hardy laid their hands on my head and gave me a blessing. It was so wonderful and beautiful to hear the words: “Katrina Lynn Marsden” spoken after some months. This feeling of love swelled into my body, and It reminded me that Heavenly Father knows even me. It was also a reminder that He is very concerned and aware of me especially as I was trying to serve Him.

Being a missionary I always thought, “ok forget about me, we are going to go out, help, and serve others, especially because that’s why I came out here right?” I felt like particularly at this time, many times on my mission, and even today, Heavenly Father reassuring me that He was going to take care of me as well, and that although I was serving others at this time, I was still important, I was still human, and I still needed Him.

As Elder Passey spoke and gave the blessing with Elder Hardy at his side, I felt the words or the power of his words not coming from him, but I knew and believed it was coming from Heavenly Father. There were personal things spoken that nobody knew of me except for Heavenly Father, but something that really stood out to me that was said was: “Heavenly Father is aware of your desires to do this work, and He will give you strength as you look to Him through prayer and the scriptures.” After this Priesthood blessing I felt like this was something I could not do on my own nor by my own strength. I needed more strength than just building muscle from weight lifting. I needed the words from the scriptures, I needed communication with God through prayer, and I really needed Jesus Christ and the sacrifices that he made for you and me. I made a promise to myself and wrote in my journal, “No giving up, no matter the situation or the circumstance. I won’t let it slow me down. I came out here for a purpose and that purpose still has not changed, and that is to serve God.”

That entire day we bussed and bussed all over Swansea, Wales. Sister Chen held her arm out for me and made me put my weight on her like I was using a cane. I felt ridiculous and refused it the first few times. I wondered why she was doing this, but realized she was trying to take care of me and I was refusing her help. She was not going to give up, so after her persistence, I gave in. When we had to walk down stairs, she carried me with much reluctance on my part. We continued to work that day and following days from help on high, members in our church, and through the love and gentle persistent care of my wonderful companion I was blessed to have by my side.

We certainly walked slow with my gimp leg, I’m sure we were late to appointments from bussing, but all day I not only felt love and support from Sister Chen, but I felt God’s love with me all day and knew that even though the situation wasn’t perfect, things weren’t going my way and how I had planned, or even at moments when I thought it would be easier to throw the towel in the bag and go back inside, it was these moments that God always reminded me, particularly through someone else, to not give up.

The day after injuring my knee, we went to a member’s home to help her with some things. Before we left we decided to share a short video with her called “You’re never alone.” Elaine S. Dalton shared a story of how she was running in the Boston marathon and began to think negative thoughts. These negative thoughts caused her to slow her pace down, so she decided to think positively and imagine the finish line. As she imagined the finish line and how big the city was, she realized that she made no arrangements where to meet her husband after the race. She began to feel lost, alone, and began to cry. Others on the side noticed her crying and started to cheer her on and encourage her. She still felt lost and didn’t know anyone. She thought for a minute that she could quit and give up the race, but realized that if she quit, she would still be lost and not know where she was. At this time, Sister Dalton began to pray and ask for strength to be able to finish the race. As she continued to run, these words came into her head: “Fear not I am with thee, oh be not dismayed, for I am thy God and will still give thee aide. I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand. Upheld by my righteous omnipotent hand.”

The thoughts in her head that she knew came from God gave her the strength to keep running towards the finish line. Despite all the fears that she had, waiting for her at the finish line was her husband. Sister Dalton said, “That day, I experienced more than a marathon. I learned that no matter how well prepared you think you are, there are hills on the course. I learned that people cheering for you along the way are absolutely essential. And I learned again that day, that we are never alone. Our Heavenly Father is only a prayer away. You can rely on the enabling power of the Savior’s Atonement, and the Holy Ghost is within whispering distance.”

We had been to this member’s home to help her, but I felt as we listened to this short video, that Heavenly Father was supporting me and coming to my aide. It was then that I realized as we reach out to try and lift others, God will also lift us. I felt strongly from the words of this video that God was speaking to me: “I’ll strengthen thee, help thee AND cause thee to stand, upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.”

That night I went home and wrote these words in my journal: “Never give up! No matter the circumstance, how big or small, always trust in the Lord and rely and fall on Christ and God for strength. That strength is available to everyone who seeks it. Heavenly Father is always there. He loves us. He hears us. He knows our concerns and what we strive for in life. He will never give up on us. Never!” Before going to sleep I recalled some more of the words from the blessing that was given to me that morning. It said, “as you do these things, pray and read your scriptures, your knee will heal.” As I remembered these words, peace subsided all the fears and worries racing in my head, and I was assured that it would heal!

A story that has always stuck with me came from a short story that my parents read to me while growing up. This story contains a poem about a little boy who encouraged me to keep going when things got tough. Particularly in sports, I knew I was the smallest and many times saw that as a disadvantage. I couldn’t change how I was, but I could change my attitude. This story has helped me many times to find hope and perspective, and I hope you will enjoy it too.

"The Race: Life’s Greatest Lesson” by Dee Groberg

Quit! Give up! You’re beaten!

They shout at me and plead.

There’s just too much against you now

This time you can’t succeed.

And as I start to hang my head

In front of failure’s face,

My downward fall is broken by

The memory of a race.

And hope refills my weakened will

As I recall that scene;

For just the thought of that short race

Rejuvenates my being.

A children’s race—young boys, young men—

How I remember well.

Excitement, sure! But also fear;

It wasn’t hard to tell.

They all lined up so full of hope;

Each thought to win that race,

Or tie for first, or if not that,

At least take second place.

And fathers watched from off the side

Each cheering for his son.

And each boy hoped to show his dad

That he would be the one.

The whistle blew and off they went,

Young hearts and hopes afire.

To win and be the hero there

Was each young boy’s desire.

And one boy in particular,

Whose dad was in the crowd,

Was running near the lead and thought;

“My dad will be so proud.”

But as they sped down the field

Across a shallow dip,

The little boy who thought to win

Lost his step and slipped.

Trying hard to catch himself,

His hands flew out to brace,

But mid the laughter of the crowd

He fell flat on his face.

So down he fell, his dad stood up,

And showed his anxious face,

Which to the boy so dearly said,

“Get up and win the race.”

He quickly rose, no damage done,

Behind a bit, that’s all—

And ran with all his mind and might

To make up for his fall.

So anxious to restore himself

To catch up and to win—

His mind went faster than his legs;

He slipped and fell again.

He wished then he had quit before,

With only one disgrace,

“I’m hopeless as a runner now,

I shouldn’t try to race.”

But in the laughing crowd he searched

And found his father’s face;

That steady look which said again:

“Get up and win the race!”

So up he jumped to try again

Ten yards behind the last—

“If I’m to gain those yards,” he thought,

“I’ve got to move real fast.”

Exerting everything he had

He regained eight or ten,

But trying so hard to catch the lead

He slipped and fell again!

Defeat! He lay there silently

A tear dropped from his eye—

“There’s no sense running anymore;

three strikes: I’m out! Why try!?”

The will to rise had disappeared;

All hope had fled away;

So far behind, so error prone;

A loser all the way.

“I’ve lost, so what’s the use,” he thought,

“I’ll live with my disgrace.”

But then he thought about his dad

Who soon he’d have to face.

“Get up,” an echo sounded low.

“Get up and take your place;

You were not meant for failure here,

Get up and win the race.”

“With barrowed will get up,” it said,

“You haven’t lost at all.

For winning is no more than this:

To rise each time you fall.”

So up he rose to run once more,

And with a new commit

He resolved that win or lose

At least he wouldn’t quit.

So far behind the others now,

The most he’d ever been—

Still he gave it all he had

And ran as though to win.

Three times he’d fallen, stumbling;

Three times he rose again;

Too far behind to hope to win

He still ran to the end.

They cheered the winning runner,

As he crossed the line first place.

Head high, and proud, and happy;

No falling, no disgrace.

But when the fallen youngster

Crossed the line last place,

The crowd gave him the greater cheer,

For finishing the race.

And even though he came in last,

With head bowed low, unproud,

You would have thought he’d won the race

To listen to the crowd.

And to his dad he sadly said,

“I didn’t do too well.”

“To me, you won,” his father said,

“You rose each time you fell.”

And now when things seem dark and hard,

And difficult to face,

The memory of that little boy

Helps me in my race.

For all of life is like that race,

With ups and downs and all.

And all you have to do to win,

Is rise each time you fall.

This story of persistence was another piece of hope that gave me a silver lining during one of the most strenuous times of my life. I know, believe, and bear witness that God is real. He really does hear every word you say to Him in prayer. He knows your heart and what you truly desire. He knows your name, your greatest fears, what makes you happy, and literally every single detail about you that seems rather small and insignificant. But these details are not small and insignificant to Heavenly Father. I testify that Jesus Christ did live on this earth, prayed and atoned for EVERY individual in the Garden of Gethsemane, was killed, and resurrected all so that you and I could live with God and our families for eternity. I know God has great plans for all of His children and He wants to give them nothing less than His best. It takes work, commitment, growing pains, and many joyous times through it all, but the blessings will come.

Remember to look for the silver linings not only when the darkest clouds fill the sky, but even during the clear skies. They may be hard to find, but they are there. I know God loves you and I know He loves me. I write these things for Him and His son, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.